Stuff it

  Evening all.  Last night ended up being hell. I didn’t sleep, I was stuck in the box room for 6 hours on hard plastic chairs and alternating between those and the floor to try settle and get comfortable. Then I had to leave. They called and threatened to call the police if I didn’t return. But the A&E was 40 minutes from my home, so not ideal.  Lots of shit happened in the middle. Many phone calls. But in the end I had an assessment at last with the crisis team this afternoon. I’ve got meds for a few days to keep me calm and help me sleep. Here’s to hoping they work. I only have 3 days worth but it’s better than none at all. I would just be happy to get a full nights sleep - across the last 4 days I have had a whopping 7.5 hours of sleep in total. I don’t know how I’m still going.  Anxiety is a hell of a drug.  So that’s where we are at the moment. I have work tomorrow so I’m going to take my relaxer and get comfy in bed, perhaps with a cup of tea.  U...

The last few days have been quite intense and triggered a relapse in my mental health issues. I was already on shaky ground but it seems to have worsened somewhat.  I’m having unpleasant and intrusive thoughts and so anxious I feel like I’m going to die. It’s all because of a chain of events. Life has been stressful, to be truthful it always is. But the last few days the catalyst of all catalysts has sparked and left me spiralling out of control. It has left me reeling and just feeling like I can’t go on. I know I have felt like this before but each time it comes back around it feels worse than before and somehow more intense.  On Friday I lost an exceptional friend. A friend I’ve known more than half my life and shared so much with. It would almost be better if it was through bereavement in a way as in ways it would be easier to swallow. But they are very much alive and well. We just can’t be friends anymore.  I respect it but I don’t have to like it and of course it wil...